Random

wow iono what got into me today but i just feel like posting random thoughts XD

so um i got a haircut today, not much different except my hair's one color and it's lighter now
oh yeah and happy father's day to all =]

my family enjoyed a dinner outside in the patio
it was nice and the food was good
it's amazing that we can enjoy the same food that our people created, but only halfway across the world from where we came from =o

hmm when i was getting my haircut, my hairstylist, Toby, was talking to my mom.
Toby's really cool and friendly cuz he talks to you and gets to know you unlike most hairstylists. haha
i was just reminded of how much i love mom =]
i mean i totally have things way easier off than so many others

i really like it when kids are good to their parents
i don't think i'll ever like a girl from now on unless she was a good daughter =o

and my mom is now and will always be the only woman whom i love =]
the rest will always be girls
even the love of my life someday will remain a girl to me forever because i don't think anyone else can be the woman that my mom truly is =]

speakin of girls. hah
stuff flashed back and all
i realized that during my time with.. miss A, it was the first relationship i had during which i truly imagined being without her and couldn't imagine it. i was not able to see how things could possibly have gone wrong. and it was the first time that everything went wrong in the most unexpected ways...
before that, with anyone else, i would imagine stuff like that but only see the normal things that cause couples to break up so i'd try to avoid it.
but with her...i really really couldn't see us having to face those things at all..
with her i was always honest and never lied to her
...okay maybe except one time cuz i really wanted to play a game XD but i so remember that time @_@
but yeah...i made sure i was the best person to her and treated her well as a friend, boyfriend, and person
mmm but fate came back and slapped me in the face.
i still ask myself each day how can two people so in love or so attached be ripped apart like that..
that's why i'm still occasionally emotionally unbalanced
that's why my life is sorta confusing right now
it's because things didn't have to end (or go) the way that they have
if they did end in the ways that any other relationship did, then i would've been so much better off.
i had already told myself that i could get over anything, anyway...but now i can't...
i just had the wrong antidote to the poison that is my problem.

the relationship that i was most prepared for hit me with this unforeseen impact and i'm still picking up the pieces.

there are only 2 or possibly 3 people who can fix things right now. but there are consequences for any one person that i choose. and there are roadblocks. the impossibles.
i'm just stuck here, and my hard way out is to forget everything.
but that's my only way now it seems. just to leave this town and return another day or year to see if things have changed for the better.

HERE's the situation in summary..
i wish i could give my all to go for something right now.
but i can't because i'm stuck on a previous engagement.
i wish i could make up my mind.
although if i make up my mind of someone new (and there's a certain person), there are roadblocks and possibly hardship beforehand.
the easy answer which would inevitably hurt me in some shape or form: forget and leave.

i wish i could go on.