France -> AX

so this is probably my final blog before leaving for france on friday?
=]
i'm pretty excited i guess
but i wish i could take someone with meee >.<
like if it was more of a personal trip but still it'll be fun, right? XD

i saw a picture of a place we'll stay at and totally dropped my jaw
it was so beautiful >.< like in movies or dreams!
i always dreamt of going to france and/or italy with a loved one =]
well in this case it probably won't be this time. haha

i was a bit down tonight for a while
just felt like i need to go some place and scream my head off
cuz i really need to purge things out of me..
this is really unhealthy and i can't help it no matter how much i tell myself
it's just that i can't tell anyone and it's all inside of me and tugging =[

i wish i can say stuff i wanna say to like...2 or 3 people and things would get better somehow
but i know it probably won't XD
gahhh

i'm so busy =[ i've gotta pack twice for france THEN for AX cuz it's like IMMEDIATELY following my return from france @_@
why oh whyyy )@&%)#%@#

w/e i'm gonna hope i can get stuff done!

wish me a safe trip =]
hope to see whoever reading soon...?

Random

wow iono what got into me today but i just feel like posting random thoughts XD

so um i got a haircut today, not much different except my hair's one color and it's lighter now
oh yeah and happy father's day to all =]

my family enjoyed a dinner outside in the patio
it was nice and the food was good
it's amazing that we can enjoy the same food that our people created, but only halfway across the world from where we came from =o

hmm when i was getting my haircut, my hairstylist, Toby, was talking to my mom.
Toby's really cool and friendly cuz he talks to you and gets to know you unlike most hairstylists. haha
i was just reminded of how much i love mom =]
i mean i totally have things way easier off than so many others

i really like it when kids are good to their parents
i don't think i'll ever like a girl from now on unless she was a good daughter =o

and my mom is now and will always be the only woman whom i love =]
the rest will always be girls
even the love of my life someday will remain a girl to me forever because i don't think anyone else can be the woman that my mom truly is =]

speakin of girls. hah
stuff flashed back and all
i realized that during my time with.. miss A, it was the first relationship i had during which i truly imagined being without her and couldn't imagine it. i was not able to see how things could possibly have gone wrong. and it was the first time that everything went wrong in the most unexpected ways...
before that, with anyone else, i would imagine stuff like that but only see the normal things that cause couples to break up so i'd try to avoid it.
but with her...i really really couldn't see us having to face those things at all..
with her i was always honest and never lied to her
...okay maybe except one time cuz i really wanted to play a game XD but i so remember that time @_@
but yeah...i made sure i was the best person to her and treated her well as a friend, boyfriend, and person
mmm but fate came back and slapped me in the face.
i still ask myself each day how can two people so in love or so attached be ripped apart like that..
that's why i'm still occasionally emotionally unbalanced
that's why my life is sorta confusing right now
it's because things didn't have to end (or go) the way that they have
if they did end in the ways that any other relationship did, then i would've been so much better off.
i had already told myself that i could get over anything, anyway...but now i can't...
i just had the wrong antidote to the poison that is my problem.

the relationship that i was most prepared for hit me with this unforeseen impact and i'm still picking up the pieces.

there are only 2 or possibly 3 people who can fix things right now. but there are consequences for any one person that i choose. and there are roadblocks. the impossibles.
i'm just stuck here, and my hard way out is to forget everything.
but that's my only way now it seems. just to leave this town and return another day or year to see if things have changed for the better.

HERE's the situation in summary..
i wish i could give my all to go for something right now.
but i can't because i'm stuck on a previous engagement.
i wish i could make up my mind.
although if i make up my mind of someone new (and there's a certain person), there are roadblocks and possibly hardship beforehand.
the easy answer which would inevitably hurt me in some shape or form: forget and leave.

i wish i could go on.

Done

so graduation was pretty cool =]
so many people were there at the pacific amphitheater
it was shorter than i imagined but it was a good thing, of course XD
except...after the ceremony something small occurred that sorta left me unsettled again =\

but then my family and i went out for lobster =o haha yayy
probably the last time in a long time for me >.<

after that it was GRAD NIGHTTTT
they totally worked their butts off for that. it was amazinggg
the school was like redone. haha well the inside of the gym, mainly
and omg there was the raffle and i won ROCK BAND hahaha XD
wow first thing i ever won a raffle for something that wasnt for girls. haha
cuz i remember winning some small thing but it was for girls -_-
it was totally worth it like i got my ticket money back. haha
and i totally got simon le the night out pack cuz i put his tickets in the box for him and gave him some of my luck XD haha jk

so the following day (thursday) i slept through 5 alarms -_- and missed troubs rehearsal in the morning
but i pushed myself to get to the second rehearsal at 12:30pm which was like 30 minutes from when i woke up. haha

and then i got some friends (seniors) who weren't going to disneyland that night to go karaokeing after yogurtland =] that was pretty funn, guys! i hadn't seen some in forever!

and today (friday) i had troubs rehearsal again in the morning until 10:30am ish. we went to yogurtland (again for me XD) and then got dropped off at home. hmm

so this week's been going...prettyyy well.
i realized that i'm a pretty lucky kid. except for things that i really truly want. >.<

i realized that most of the time, all i need and want is the attention of one individual =\
and it's pretty much the only thing i can't get now.
and i've been thinking today.
i realized that certain promises i've made have a time limit on them.
...there have been a few things i've been wanting to tell SOMEONE but not anyone really badly...
because it hurts the longer i keep it inside... but because of something or another, i can't tell...
but i promise two years... and so even if it might not matter to... another... it matters to me so i will keep those two years and perhaps i will just explode and tell someone after that >.<

i really don't understand myself sometimes.
maybe for another, but this is like... hurting myself to make them happy
with some hope for the future yet... it's seemingly impossible =\
then what do i really want?

sometimes i'm better at solving others' problems a bit better than solving my own...

"we only accept the love that we believe we deserve"

Graduation

wow i'm gonna graduate together with like 700+ friends in my grade within 5 hours =o
this is exciting XD

then we'll party all night like literally =o

w00t

life's happy right now
i just hope nothin goes wrong at all!

Blogger survey?!?! haha XD

so just cuz kt did this and i have nothin to say on top of that for today XD

End Of The Year Survey:
Classes:

Period 1: ap calc
Period 2: ap chem
Period 3: concert choir
Period 4: ap spanish
Period 5: econ




PEOPLE YOU MOSTLY TALKED TO DURING:

Period 1: chris, waylon, matt, arya
Period 2: peter, james, diana, david
Period 3: paul, sam, ryan
Period 4: julie, bryant
Period 5: chris, anthony, crystal, josh


RANDOM QUESTIONS
- Who annoyed you most during 3rd period?
no one



-Who did you sit with at lunch?
whoever eats in front of the activities office on whichever day. hah

- Which period was the most boring?
well spanish died near the end of the year. hah




- Where are you most likely to fall asleep or not pay attention?
spanish for falling asleep >.< iono why it's always that class even though it's fun and all i can fall asleep while ppl are laughing -_-


-Which class did you get the most homework?
math, definitely



- Which class were you the most hyper?
choir i guess if at all



- What was your favorite class?
choir =_=


- Do you like lunch?
yes especially this year. i ate more and more @_@

- Do you like going to school?
for the ppl. i'm gonna miss it =[

- Who sits behind you in Period 3?
anyone. it's choir

- What teacher do you dislike the most?
iono

- Can you talk in your 3rd period?
yes. we'd do anyway

- Who sits next to you in 5th period?
anthony and clara?



-Who sits in front of you in 6th?
brittany

-Summarize your year in two words?
it's been a great senior year.

-What do you think your next year is going to be like?
i have no idea @_@

Blah

so today was pretty long.
senior breakfast where i barely got food
then i hit the choir room for rehearsal during 3rd period
went home during 4th and then went to nicole and kt's house for ax meeting =]

we totally got this new dance down! and more to come XD but it's so cool now =]
i so dig it. and everything goes together now since everyone's got stuff to do i guess.

time to get moving! haha
but yeah wow i've been so busy and i'll continue to be throughout this week @_@
after .. friday? i'd be more free =]

but yeah understand if i don't post often til then =]
bye bye

First day of summer

so i slept in today until like 2pm
got up
washed up
got some bread and tuna o.O
watched disney channel, yes disney channel XD
then i went online and chatted with kt a bit. lol
(oh yeah thanks cathy for keeping me up late last night talking about...ugh)
then i had to head out to dinner with the family together with our relatives on my stepdad's side
i hadn't seen them in a while, and my cousin was there too
so i talked to her mostly throughout the meal at the restaurant
she and i should hang out cuz we really haven't in a long time
so we named a bunch of things to do. haha (shin sen gumi yay XD wow i could just smell the ramen right now o.O weird)

after all that we just headed home and now it's chill time. hah =]
ugh seems like this upcoming week will still be super busy @_@

Final day of high school

wow today was so cool and different >.<
i can't believe all 4 years in this school is over =o
so many many many memories

when i think about it. wow. there might no longer be close friends
or like surprise visits in your classes!
no more people to say happy birthday and buy you balloons or sing to you =o
or random ppl coming into your class to give you gifts or sing/play guitar to you =o (even though no one's done that for me since i always do it -_- but yeah i can't anymore now! >=o)

just wow. those special things only happen in high school so you'd better cherish them =[ (yeah kt. XD)
and today some people cried =[ not me though XD no worries
i still feel like it's not over yet but it'll soon hit me i bet.
i really need a ton more ppl to sign my yearbook @_@

and i only have 2 months left in this town where i've spent most of my American life =[
geez iono how i'm gonna do out there!

best of luck to everyone <3

hmm

sometimes i can't believe half the things i've done.

i can't believe i felt certain ways about certain things..
i can't believe it's taking forever for me to forget about them.
yet i mean to hold on to them in the long run anyway..
i don't know how things will turn out =\

yet i'll contradict myself by saying that i believe i have this really extremely random crush. lolll
it's so last minute though cuz it's pointless but wow i can't help it -_-

it's like the part of me that's "growing out" of this is telling me that it's useless and i'd be fine but there's still that random part of me that wants to be happy because of another.

i'm crazy either way -_-

2 more days =o

only 2 days left of high school
man, everyone's all riled up over this XD
i still haven't hit the emotional stage yet. haha still waiting on summer, that's all.

aw i hope dennis doesn't really cry when he signs my yearbook XD probably won't. that boy's just crazy!

and yeesh kt, i wanted you to sign my yearbook today -_-
and maybe do the dance with me @_@
hah

thanks ruth for drawing me. but i've yet to read what you wrote but it'd better be good =_=

so tomorrow is my driving test!
i really hope i pass. i mean i'm pretty confident since i've been driving for a while now but still, there's still some chances of weird things happening >.<
then if i pass, i'm gonna celebrate on friday afterschool since it's also the last freakin day of school! haha =]
yogurtland, anyone? ;p

i'm excited
later on today i'm gonna drive around with mom (she just got home today from vietnam after like a month +. yayyy)
i wonder what she got me for a "surprise" birthday gift @_@
but yeah i'm gonna drive with her around the DMV i'll be takin the test at to get a feel =]

okay logging out =]

Choir banquet? =o

Luau was today at 4pm afterschool =]
it was pretty cool seeing like a bunch of people i know in one place XD
i havent gotten my yearbook signed yet cuz i didn't feel like dealing with that and..of course food at the same time!! ;p

then the choir banquet was at 7pm
it was awesome as well (more free food! haha)
but yeah i got like 2 certificate thingymajigs and it was fun taking pics afterward
and the videos were so freakin funny XDD

hmmm so my day ended pretty swell
how was yours?? =o

some stuff came up today that made me think of the old times when little things used to be able to make me happy.. remember those days with yourselves??
oh the simple times. <3

Busy times!

wow so it's been like 5 days since i last posted. sorry about that.
i've been extra busy lately due to the final choral concert, and i bet everyone else in it has been too XD

i don't believe much happened on wednesday or thursday? so i'll just skip XD

so friday night was the concert. a lot of great moments took place
and it went really well! i was really proud of all of us as always =]
the troubadours half was super long but grease was fun to do so it was great stuff!
so far everyone only complained about how long it was. lol but it seems to be good to them?
i mean if they think that's long try doing the same thing 3 nights in a row in rehearsal -_-
but then again it's not like they're in it so it's not their fault. lol

then saturday i woke up extra late cuz i was really worn out. spent all day trying to work on my spanish music video! darn camera wasnt compatible with laptop blah blah.
wouldve been a total waste of time if i didn't figure out how to do things in the end. haha

sunday, i went to nicole's house to have ax meeting with the group =]
it was fun and we came up with a new dance.
then kt found out i had a blogger account and all XD *yes, you, kt! haha*
we all went to brian's house for a bit *as kt's blog mentioned* to practice in his garage.
after it all we went back to nicole and kt's house and just listened to random music, watched random videos, and sang along to random songs. haha it was fun.

oh oh oh then that night i drove mark to in-n-out because i'm able to drive others that are 18+ with licensed now that I'm 18 =]
that was fun and he was scared a bit when i made the 2nd u-turn but hey i know i had total control XD poor guy =o

today was just regular school. long and tiring. UGH
i really wanna get out soon XD please please pleaseeee

my driving test is on thursday =o
i hope i pass so i can finally drive around with freedom >=o

well that's all for now, there's surely a lot more but i thought i'd give you something to read, kt. haha jk *sorta* XD

tata!