wow so i totally feel old now that i'm 18 XD
cuz i'm talking about 17 in past tense @_@
but yeah my birthday was pretty cool
cuz after rehearsal, most of the troubs went out to lunch on the occasion of my birthday and all =]
we were gonna go to mongolian bbq but it was closed due to memorial day @_@
so we ended up having chipotle across the street. haha
which was great!!
then they sang to me for the 2nd time! haha =]
then later on that night my friends mark and cathy took me out to dinner!
they made me like this flower thing that was pretty sweet xD
then when dinner was almost done, they surprised me with this freakin awesome album thing that they spent hours on =o
it was like one of the most creative gifts i've ever received, seriously. haha XD
wow so many memories in those photos!!!
and it was all in a year if not less >.<
gosh those magic changes. haha
thanks, guys =]]]
and then today we had troub rehearsal at night
and oh man >.< i accidentally bumped into Tiffany and made her fall o.O
iono where i was looking @_@ i was just concentrating on my timing i guess )@#&%)#%
sorry Tiffany =[[[
then i came home to a really crazy surprise (as my fortune cookie from dinner predicted??) but i'm not sure if it's real yet...lets wait 'til tomorrow morning! XD
it'd be AWESOME if it was real... =o
Tuesday, May 27, 2008
Monday, May 26, 2008
On being 18
so i don't feel much different yet
but i do feel something odd
hm
at the final seconds before midnight..
miss A came to mind =\
and i had to find a way to contact her somehow, even though it was impossible
but eh i guess i did do something..?
this is so complicated -_-
sometimes i hope no one ever has to go through this stuff..
but yeah...
and i just recalled a random piece of memory from like 5 years ago on this exact day, being my birthday and all.
well my P.E. class had to run the mile and i remember running and singing "happy birthday to me," etc. haha. good times
i'll further update you on my new, post-minority life =]
but i do feel something odd
hm
at the final seconds before midnight..
miss A came to mind =\
and i had to find a way to contact her somehow, even though it was impossible
but eh i guess i did do something..?
this is so complicated -_-
sometimes i hope no one ever has to go through this stuff..
but yeah...
and i just recalled a random piece of memory from like 5 years ago on this exact day, being my birthday and all.
well my P.E. class had to run the mile and i remember running and singing "happy birthday to me," etc. haha. good times
i'll further update you on my new, post-minority life =]
Sunday, May 25, 2008
18 at last...? =]
So it's like 4 minutes from my 18th birthday =]
and i'll no longer be a minor XD
i'm pretty excited ehehe
but there'll be things i'll definitely miss in the past 18 years =[
ugh. this will NOT be a sad post >.<
anywayyy
yeah so hope i don't miss the countdown by posting this so it'll just be a quickie =]
well. goodbye, oh sweet childhood <333
and i'll no longer be a minor XD
i'm pretty excited ehehe
but there'll be things i'll definitely miss in the past 18 years =[
ugh. this will NOT be a sad post >.<
anywayyy
yeah so hope i don't miss the countdown by posting this so it'll just be a quickie =]
well. goodbye, oh sweet childhood <333
Saturday, May 24, 2008
Long day at rehearsal
wow so we spent like 5 hours in rehearsal today for the choir show @_@
i think we got most of everything together, it's just that we hadn't really spent time on connecting everyone's parts together so it was kinda laggy. haha
and then i went out to corner bakery with bryce, angie, dan, and paul. that was pretty chill. we had some fun talks!
then i discovered that i have like...no money left in my ATM account. hah. or just not enough for something i needed ='(
but all in all it was a chill day cuz i got to sleep this afternoon =o then i went out to dinner with my family. it's been a while since i had "pho". haha
i've been eating less and less with my family =o. well except for this past week for some reason.
oh and about the...miss A miss B thing.
i...saw some pictures of miss A yesterday...
it seems like her life is back to normal...? i'm not really at the liberty to say what happened exactly...because no one knows the full story at all =[ i guess i'll die with the knowledge.
but that's what it seemed like to me and it makes me feel that she doesn't need me anymore every single time.
well of course that's the case..i mean we'd spent at least 15 years without each other, i'm sure we can go back to that way again... it's just that it'll be hard for a long time.
but when i saw those pictures yesterday, i realized that perhaps i don't feel the same way about her anymore.. maybe i'm finally letting go now..
perhaps it'll be good for me =\ i mean...it kills me everyday to think about it. out of anything that's ever hurt before, this hurt the most.
i swear for the longest time anywhere i looked i saw or thought of her.. it pinches and stabs at me. sometimes i blame it on fate or my own slight mistake which i can't tell you about even -_-
i'm absolutely positive that i fell in love this time. haha. and i'll never forget this because i can't. (darn good memory >.<)
i still even have special stuff about her saved in my old phone..like on the calendar thing.. i still have pictures.. i still have the ring she gave me... well the ring broke on the trip to san francisco =[ but i'll fix it and wear it again or just on a necklace somewhere..
i shouldn't blame her for anything..afterall, i had already told myself stuff like this can happen..it's just that i was crazy and i let my guard down and lost my head...
with her i swear i was the happiest as i've ever been..
i seriously thought she was perfect for me. hah. no matter what anyone said. they didn't know her that well anyway.
but what i'm doing now...i don't know if it has a point anymore. it's like i'm trying to hold on because i said i would...but i don't know if anything will be there at the end of the road..
i guess my patience only would last if i know for sure that she'll still be there.
i guess that even i know when to pick my battles
i'm sorry i wrote so much. hah.
it's just that i really need someone to tell everything to
and as much as i've said..it still wouldn't feel as good as if i had a chance to talk to her and tell her everything..that is she would have the time to sit down and talk to me.
this is one of those things where no one can understand you thoroughly. i mean i'm sure there is someone..but that would be her if she were still the same..
besides...i can't tell anyone everything.
and regarding miss B.
well i still don't know if i really am developing feelings for her o.O
maybe it's just because of old times (really old times) hah
but sometimes when i think about her, it makes me happy because she's simple.
and every time she smiles (which is less rare nowadays) it makes me feel happy inside.
i believe no one knows about this because it's in the past. they don't know that i'm going through this again toward her.
it is pretty ridiculous (and i tell myself that everyday almost) that i'm going through this though. there is like no point of going to her again because...i don't know. maybe i'm just not confident enough. maybe i wasted my chances.
i feel like every time i went to someone else in the past had been just to take my mind off of miss B.
i sure hope she's happy.
i hope that i can be at least a good friend to her.
for now, all i can do is standby.
there are certain reasons.
i think we got most of everything together, it's just that we hadn't really spent time on connecting everyone's parts together so it was kinda laggy. haha
and then i went out to corner bakery with bryce, angie, dan, and paul. that was pretty chill. we had some fun talks!
then i discovered that i have like...no money left in my ATM account. hah. or just not enough for something i needed ='(
but all in all it was a chill day cuz i got to sleep this afternoon =o then i went out to dinner with my family. it's been a while since i had "pho". haha
i've been eating less and less with my family =o. well except for this past week for some reason.
oh and about the...miss A miss B thing.
i...saw some pictures of miss A yesterday...
it seems like her life is back to normal...? i'm not really at the liberty to say what happened exactly...because no one knows the full story at all =[ i guess i'll die with the knowledge.
but that's what it seemed like to me and it makes me feel that she doesn't need me anymore every single time.
well of course that's the case..i mean we'd spent at least 15 years without each other, i'm sure we can go back to that way again... it's just that it'll be hard for a long time.
but when i saw those pictures yesterday, i realized that perhaps i don't feel the same way about her anymore.. maybe i'm finally letting go now..
perhaps it'll be good for me =\ i mean...it kills me everyday to think about it. out of anything that's ever hurt before, this hurt the most.
i swear for the longest time anywhere i looked i saw or thought of her.. it pinches and stabs at me. sometimes i blame it on fate or my own slight mistake which i can't tell you about even -_-
i'm absolutely positive that i fell in love this time. haha. and i'll never forget this because i can't. (darn good memory >.<)
i still even have special stuff about her saved in my old phone..like on the calendar thing.. i still have pictures.. i still have the ring she gave me... well the ring broke on the trip to san francisco =[ but i'll fix it and wear it again or just on a necklace somewhere..
i shouldn't blame her for anything..afterall, i had already told myself stuff like this can happen..it's just that i was crazy and i let my guard down and lost my head...
with her i swear i was the happiest as i've ever been..
i seriously thought she was perfect for me. hah. no matter what anyone said. they didn't know her that well anyway.
but what i'm doing now...i don't know if it has a point anymore. it's like i'm trying to hold on because i said i would...but i don't know if anything will be there at the end of the road..
i guess my patience only would last if i know for sure that she'll still be there.
i guess that even i know when to pick my battles
i'm sorry i wrote so much. hah.
it's just that i really need someone to tell everything to
and as much as i've said..it still wouldn't feel as good as if i had a chance to talk to her and tell her everything..that is she would have the time to sit down and talk to me.
this is one of those things where no one can understand you thoroughly. i mean i'm sure there is someone..but that would be her if she were still the same..
besides...i can't tell anyone everything.
and regarding miss B.
well i still don't know if i really am developing feelings for her o.O
maybe it's just because of old times (really old times) hah
but sometimes when i think about her, it makes me happy because she's simple.
and every time she smiles (which is less rare nowadays) it makes me feel happy inside.
i believe no one knows about this because it's in the past. they don't know that i'm going through this again toward her.
it is pretty ridiculous (and i tell myself that everyday almost) that i'm going through this though. there is like no point of going to her again because...i don't know. maybe i'm just not confident enough. maybe i wasted my chances.
i feel like every time i went to someone else in the past had been just to take my mind off of miss B.
i sure hope she's happy.
i hope that i can be at least a good friend to her.
for now, all i can do is standby.
there are certain reasons.
2 days left =o
so this is...say...two days before my birthday??
is time going slower or what???
and what did i tell ya? i already missed the 2nd day of having a blog. haha
but yeah ugh today was quite long.
the highlight was probably troubadours auditions and getting to hear the underclassmen sing.
it makes me wanna audition again XD but i'm old now :'(
oh and i'm excited for the concert now that hilary and i might sing "all i ask of you" together =] that'll be pretty awesome. we practiced for the first time today and i'd say it sounds nice. haha thanks tanner!
and yeah so i'm gonna try to head to bed now cuz i've got a long day ahead of me...darn rehearsal =_= but practice makes perfect and all that jazz....so later!!!
oh..and there's been some significant updates/revelations regarding miss A and B...
is time going slower or what???
and what did i tell ya? i already missed the 2nd day of having a blog. haha
but yeah ugh today was quite long.
the highlight was probably troubadours auditions and getting to hear the underclassmen sing.
it makes me wanna audition again XD but i'm old now :'(
oh and i'm excited for the concert now that hilary and i might sing "all i ask of you" together =] that'll be pretty awesome. we practiced for the first time today and i'd say it sounds nice. haha thanks tanner!
and yeah so i'm gonna try to head to bed now cuz i've got a long day ahead of me...darn rehearsal =_= but practice makes perfect and all that jazz....so later!!!
oh..and there's been some significant updates/revelations regarding miss A and B...
Thursday, May 22, 2008
First Blog*
so this is my first post =o
and i have no idea what to say!
i've had these types of blog pages before but never was able to maintain them for long. haha
lets see if i can maintain THIS one o.O
okay so the final (my absolute last) choral concert is in a week...
and it'll be BIG!
we've got so much work to do!!!
i've got lines to memorize and an additional song now because Hilary (my "sister") wants to do a duet. haha
but i hope everything will turn out amazingly and i believe in us!
and also...i just realized...last night sorta...
(and i totally know i shouldn't be having this problem again..)
i think i might like someone (i will refer to this person as miss B)...but i'm denying myself XD
it can't be =o
i mean...i totally was over this like...times and times again @_@
i just can't really get out for some reason no matter what i try..
besides...the state that my life is supposedly in doesn't accommodate such things =\
everytime i think that i like someone, it ends up not being real because i'd end up feeling as if i'm betraying...*another* someone (i will refer to this person as...miss A)... and i just hate how everything had to be this way because it shouldn't have been >.<>.< well i hope everything goes swell from now on! for me and choir and everyone graduating and anyone who needs a lift in their life XD hah
new post later? =]
oh and by the way. my birthday is in like..3 days, 1 hour, and 11 minutes
and i have no idea what to say!
i've had these types of blog pages before but never was able to maintain them for long. haha
lets see if i can maintain THIS one o.O
okay so the final (my absolute last) choral concert is in a week...
and it'll be BIG!
we've got so much work to do!!!
i've got lines to memorize and an additional song now because Hilary (my "sister") wants to do a duet. haha
but i hope everything will turn out amazingly and i believe in us!
and also...i just realized...last night sorta...
(and i totally know i shouldn't be having this problem again..)
i think i might like someone (i will refer to this person as miss B)...but i'm denying myself XD
it can't be =o
i mean...i totally was over this like...times and times again @_@
i just can't really get out for some reason no matter what i try..
besides...the state that my life is supposedly in doesn't accommodate such things =\
everytime i think that i like someone, it ends up not being real because i'd end up feeling as if i'm betraying...*another* someone (i will refer to this person as...miss A)... and i just hate how everything had to be this way because it shouldn't have been >.<>.< well i hope everything goes swell from now on! for me and choir and everyone graduating and anyone who needs a lift in their life XD hah
new post later? =]
oh and by the way. my birthday is in like..3 days, 1 hour, and 11 minutes
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