Random post

SO i'm just checking back to blog more because of KT!! @_@ *happy? XD*
but yeah i guess it gives her somethin to do -_-

hah so anyway today paul and ryan j., sean, katie and i drove to LA for this sales event by American Apparel.
after getting there we waited in line for seriously like..3-4 hours @_@
in the end getting like crappy stuff to pick from. haha but w/e i just got a tshirt to make it worthwhile -_-
i guess they got a lot more stuff. but yeah we had fun just driving and standing in line.

and kt, i'm sorry if i scared you with the driving XD but i mean you...DID scream over the birds....sooooo....;P
i'm pretty sure i was more scared of you guys in the car than i am of the freeway -_-

anyhow we ended up getting In-n-Out and it was all good XD
i'm super glad i got everyone home in one piece. it was like the first time for me having such a long ride. haha but yeah i'll have to go much farther in the future so this is just practice, basically.

and i think i feel a bit better about things now. my mind has settled down and no headaches or any-ache anymore @_@

i hope things continue to be good..

Ahhhh

okay i admit that for a while after AX i totally forgot i had a blogger account XD haha

but yeah it's also because i've been getting home late or busy with random stuff like pictures and also the house being renovated and whatnot @_@
it's crazy here

and i'll update whoever reading another day XD
sorryy but yep, i will do my best!!!

just know that there are a lot of things going on right now >.<
good things and the bad things are leaving =]

Home at last

So i'm finally home from the France tour with Troubadours =]
i have to say that it was quite an amazing collection of events in my life


during the trip i got to see so many spectacular places and things that i had only experienced in stories, photos and movies.
it was also because of the trip that i felt a bit more lighthearted about all else and figure stuff out.
well it was sorta a mess actually but i got off the sinking boat >.<
now i really don't know what to do
it's like this weird state of neutrality. haha

maybe i'll just go back to my old mindset and let things happen as they were meant to be.
maybe i just never took a chance at all.

i have to say i missed people
but i only wished that i had a specific someone to really miss
or at least if they were there with me
it has been my dream but i guess that won't be complete this time.
there will definitely be a next =]

singing with Troubadours was amazing
and during the song "the road home" in the last concert, i teared o.O
i suddenly realized that only one year ago i sang this song with those seniors who were going off to start their new lives far from each other, and now i'm singing it there... in the oldest church of france... for me and my other fellow seniors. and it was the last time i will sing as a Troubadour.
heck, i teared during rehearsal for that song and it wasnt even the concert yet -_- haha..

we did a fantastic job XD i really mean it
the last concert gave me such a personal feeling to the music and not just singing to others.
i really felt everyone giving their best to sound good for it and we really did =]
i'm finally so proud that we have deserved the titles and the greatness that we all came this far for.

so i have to say goodbye, france,
and see you later =]

France -> AX

so this is probably my final blog before leaving for france on friday?
=]
i'm pretty excited i guess
but i wish i could take someone with meee >.<
like if it was more of a personal trip but still it'll be fun, right? XD

i saw a picture of a place we'll stay at and totally dropped my jaw
it was so beautiful >.< like in movies or dreams!
i always dreamt of going to france and/or italy with a loved one =]
well in this case it probably won't be this time. haha

i was a bit down tonight for a while
just felt like i need to go some place and scream my head off
cuz i really need to purge things out of me..
this is really unhealthy and i can't help it no matter how much i tell myself
it's just that i can't tell anyone and it's all inside of me and tugging =[

i wish i can say stuff i wanna say to like...2 or 3 people and things would get better somehow
but i know it probably won't XD
gahhh

i'm so busy =[ i've gotta pack twice for france THEN for AX cuz it's like IMMEDIATELY following my return from france @_@
why oh whyyy )@&%)#%@#

w/e i'm gonna hope i can get stuff done!

wish me a safe trip =]
hope to see whoever reading soon...?

Random

wow iono what got into me today but i just feel like posting random thoughts XD

so um i got a haircut today, not much different except my hair's one color and it's lighter now
oh yeah and happy father's day to all =]

my family enjoyed a dinner outside in the patio
it was nice and the food was good
it's amazing that we can enjoy the same food that our people created, but only halfway across the world from where we came from =o

hmm when i was getting my haircut, my hairstylist, Toby, was talking to my mom.
Toby's really cool and friendly cuz he talks to you and gets to know you unlike most hairstylists. haha
i was just reminded of how much i love mom =]
i mean i totally have things way easier off than so many others

i really like it when kids are good to their parents
i don't think i'll ever like a girl from now on unless she was a good daughter =o

and my mom is now and will always be the only woman whom i love =]
the rest will always be girls
even the love of my life someday will remain a girl to me forever because i don't think anyone else can be the woman that my mom truly is =]

speakin of girls. hah
stuff flashed back and all
i realized that during my time with.. miss A, it was the first relationship i had during which i truly imagined being without her and couldn't imagine it. i was not able to see how things could possibly have gone wrong. and it was the first time that everything went wrong in the most unexpected ways...
before that, with anyone else, i would imagine stuff like that but only see the normal things that cause couples to break up so i'd try to avoid it.
but with her...i really really couldn't see us having to face those things at all..
with her i was always honest and never lied to her
...okay maybe except one time cuz i really wanted to play a game XD but i so remember that time @_@
but yeah...i made sure i was the best person to her and treated her well as a friend, boyfriend, and person
mmm but fate came back and slapped me in the face.
i still ask myself each day how can two people so in love or so attached be ripped apart like that..
that's why i'm still occasionally emotionally unbalanced
that's why my life is sorta confusing right now
it's because things didn't have to end (or go) the way that they have
if they did end in the ways that any other relationship did, then i would've been so much better off.
i had already told myself that i could get over anything, anyway...but now i can't...
i just had the wrong antidote to the poison that is my problem.

the relationship that i was most prepared for hit me with this unforeseen impact and i'm still picking up the pieces.

there are only 2 or possibly 3 people who can fix things right now. but there are consequences for any one person that i choose. and there are roadblocks. the impossibles.
i'm just stuck here, and my hard way out is to forget everything.
but that's my only way now it seems. just to leave this town and return another day or year to see if things have changed for the better.

HERE's the situation in summary..
i wish i could give my all to go for something right now.
but i can't because i'm stuck on a previous engagement.
i wish i could make up my mind.
although if i make up my mind of someone new (and there's a certain person), there are roadblocks and possibly hardship beforehand.
the easy answer which would inevitably hurt me in some shape or form: forget and leave.

i wish i could go on.

Done

so graduation was pretty cool =]
so many people were there at the pacific amphitheater
it was shorter than i imagined but it was a good thing, of course XD
except...after the ceremony something small occurred that sorta left me unsettled again =\

but then my family and i went out for lobster =o haha yayy
probably the last time in a long time for me >.<

after that it was GRAD NIGHTTTT
they totally worked their butts off for that. it was amazinggg
the school was like redone. haha well the inside of the gym, mainly
and omg there was the raffle and i won ROCK BAND hahaha XD
wow first thing i ever won a raffle for something that wasnt for girls. haha
cuz i remember winning some small thing but it was for girls -_-
it was totally worth it like i got my ticket money back. haha
and i totally got simon le the night out pack cuz i put his tickets in the box for him and gave him some of my luck XD haha jk

so the following day (thursday) i slept through 5 alarms -_- and missed troubs rehearsal in the morning
but i pushed myself to get to the second rehearsal at 12:30pm which was like 30 minutes from when i woke up. haha

and then i got some friends (seniors) who weren't going to disneyland that night to go karaokeing after yogurtland =] that was pretty funn, guys! i hadn't seen some in forever!

and today (friday) i had troubs rehearsal again in the morning until 10:30am ish. we went to yogurtland (again for me XD) and then got dropped off at home. hmm

so this week's been going...prettyyy well.
i realized that i'm a pretty lucky kid. except for things that i really truly want. >.<

i realized that most of the time, all i need and want is the attention of one individual =\
and it's pretty much the only thing i can't get now.
and i've been thinking today.
i realized that certain promises i've made have a time limit on them.
...there have been a few things i've been wanting to tell SOMEONE but not anyone really badly...
because it hurts the longer i keep it inside... but because of something or another, i can't tell...
but i promise two years... and so even if it might not matter to... another... it matters to me so i will keep those two years and perhaps i will just explode and tell someone after that >.<

i really don't understand myself sometimes.
maybe for another, but this is like... hurting myself to make them happy
with some hope for the future yet... it's seemingly impossible =\
then what do i really want?

sometimes i'm better at solving others' problems a bit better than solving my own...

"we only accept the love that we believe we deserve"

Graduation

wow i'm gonna graduate together with like 700+ friends in my grade within 5 hours =o
this is exciting XD

then we'll party all night like literally =o

w00t

life's happy right now
i just hope nothin goes wrong at all!

Blogger survey?!?! haha XD

so just cuz kt did this and i have nothin to say on top of that for today XD

End Of The Year Survey:
Classes:

Period 1: ap calc
Period 2: ap chem
Period 3: concert choir
Period 4: ap spanish
Period 5: econ




PEOPLE YOU MOSTLY TALKED TO DURING:

Period 1: chris, waylon, matt, arya
Period 2: peter, james, diana, david
Period 3: paul, sam, ryan
Period 4: julie, bryant
Period 5: chris, anthony, crystal, josh


RANDOM QUESTIONS
- Who annoyed you most during 3rd period?
no one



-Who did you sit with at lunch?
whoever eats in front of the activities office on whichever day. hah

- Which period was the most boring?
well spanish died near the end of the year. hah




- Where are you most likely to fall asleep or not pay attention?
spanish for falling asleep >.< iono why it's always that class even though it's fun and all i can fall asleep while ppl are laughing -_-


-Which class did you get the most homework?
math, definitely



- Which class were you the most hyper?
choir i guess if at all



- What was your favorite class?
choir =_=


- Do you like lunch?
yes especially this year. i ate more and more @_@

- Do you like going to school?
for the ppl. i'm gonna miss it =[

- Who sits behind you in Period 3?
anyone. it's choir

- What teacher do you dislike the most?
iono

- Can you talk in your 3rd period?
yes. we'd do anyway

- Who sits next to you in 5th period?
anthony and clara?



-Who sits in front of you in 6th?
brittany

-Summarize your year in two words?
it's been a great senior year.

-What do you think your next year is going to be like?
i have no idea @_@

Blah

so today was pretty long.
senior breakfast where i barely got food
then i hit the choir room for rehearsal during 3rd period
went home during 4th and then went to nicole and kt's house for ax meeting =]

we totally got this new dance down! and more to come XD but it's so cool now =]
i so dig it. and everything goes together now since everyone's got stuff to do i guess.

time to get moving! haha
but yeah wow i've been so busy and i'll continue to be throughout this week @_@
after .. friday? i'd be more free =]

but yeah understand if i don't post often til then =]
bye bye

First day of summer

so i slept in today until like 2pm
got up
washed up
got some bread and tuna o.O
watched disney channel, yes disney channel XD
then i went online and chatted with kt a bit. lol
(oh yeah thanks cathy for keeping me up late last night talking about...ugh)
then i had to head out to dinner with the family together with our relatives on my stepdad's side
i hadn't seen them in a while, and my cousin was there too
so i talked to her mostly throughout the meal at the restaurant
she and i should hang out cuz we really haven't in a long time
so we named a bunch of things to do. haha (shin sen gumi yay XD wow i could just smell the ramen right now o.O weird)

after all that we just headed home and now it's chill time. hah =]
ugh seems like this upcoming week will still be super busy @_@

Final day of high school

wow today was so cool and different >.<
i can't believe all 4 years in this school is over =o
so many many many memories

when i think about it. wow. there might no longer be close friends
or like surprise visits in your classes!
no more people to say happy birthday and buy you balloons or sing to you =o
or random ppl coming into your class to give you gifts or sing/play guitar to you =o (even though no one's done that for me since i always do it -_- but yeah i can't anymore now! >=o)

just wow. those special things only happen in high school so you'd better cherish them =[ (yeah kt. XD)
and today some people cried =[ not me though XD no worries
i still feel like it's not over yet but it'll soon hit me i bet.
i really need a ton more ppl to sign my yearbook @_@

and i only have 2 months left in this town where i've spent most of my American life =[
geez iono how i'm gonna do out there!

best of luck to everyone <3

hmm

sometimes i can't believe half the things i've done.

i can't believe i felt certain ways about certain things..
i can't believe it's taking forever for me to forget about them.
yet i mean to hold on to them in the long run anyway..
i don't know how things will turn out =\

yet i'll contradict myself by saying that i believe i have this really extremely random crush. lolll
it's so last minute though cuz it's pointless but wow i can't help it -_-

it's like the part of me that's "growing out" of this is telling me that it's useless and i'd be fine but there's still that random part of me that wants to be happy because of another.

i'm crazy either way -_-

2 more days =o

only 2 days left of high school
man, everyone's all riled up over this XD
i still haven't hit the emotional stage yet. haha still waiting on summer, that's all.

aw i hope dennis doesn't really cry when he signs my yearbook XD probably won't. that boy's just crazy!

and yeesh kt, i wanted you to sign my yearbook today -_-
and maybe do the dance with me @_@
hah

thanks ruth for drawing me. but i've yet to read what you wrote but it'd better be good =_=

so tomorrow is my driving test!
i really hope i pass. i mean i'm pretty confident since i've been driving for a while now but still, there's still some chances of weird things happening >.<
then if i pass, i'm gonna celebrate on friday afterschool since it's also the last freakin day of school! haha =]
yogurtland, anyone? ;p

i'm excited
later on today i'm gonna drive around with mom (she just got home today from vietnam after like a month +. yayyy)
i wonder what she got me for a "surprise" birthday gift @_@
but yeah i'm gonna drive with her around the DMV i'll be takin the test at to get a feel =]

okay logging out =]

Choir banquet? =o

Luau was today at 4pm afterschool =]
it was pretty cool seeing like a bunch of people i know in one place XD
i havent gotten my yearbook signed yet cuz i didn't feel like dealing with that and..of course food at the same time!! ;p

then the choir banquet was at 7pm
it was awesome as well (more free food! haha)
but yeah i got like 2 certificate thingymajigs and it was fun taking pics afterward
and the videos were so freakin funny XDD

hmmm so my day ended pretty swell
how was yours?? =o

some stuff came up today that made me think of the old times when little things used to be able to make me happy.. remember those days with yourselves??
oh the simple times. <3

Busy times!

wow so it's been like 5 days since i last posted. sorry about that.
i've been extra busy lately due to the final choral concert, and i bet everyone else in it has been too XD

i don't believe much happened on wednesday or thursday? so i'll just skip XD

so friday night was the concert. a lot of great moments took place
and it went really well! i was really proud of all of us as always =]
the troubadours half was super long but grease was fun to do so it was great stuff!
so far everyone only complained about how long it was. lol but it seems to be good to them?
i mean if they think that's long try doing the same thing 3 nights in a row in rehearsal -_-
but then again it's not like they're in it so it's not their fault. lol

then saturday i woke up extra late cuz i was really worn out. spent all day trying to work on my spanish music video! darn camera wasnt compatible with laptop blah blah.
wouldve been a total waste of time if i didn't figure out how to do things in the end. haha

sunday, i went to nicole's house to have ax meeting with the group =]
it was fun and we came up with a new dance.
then kt found out i had a blogger account and all XD *yes, you, kt! haha*
we all went to brian's house for a bit *as kt's blog mentioned* to practice in his garage.
after it all we went back to nicole and kt's house and just listened to random music, watched random videos, and sang along to random songs. haha it was fun.

oh oh oh then that night i drove mark to in-n-out because i'm able to drive others that are 18+ with licensed now that I'm 18 =]
that was fun and he was scared a bit when i made the 2nd u-turn but hey i know i had total control XD poor guy =o

today was just regular school. long and tiring. UGH
i really wanna get out soon XD please please pleaseeee

my driving test is on thursday =o
i hope i pass so i can finally drive around with freedom >=o

well that's all for now, there's surely a lot more but i thought i'd give you something to read, kt. haha jk *sorta* XD

tata!

New days

wow so i totally feel old now that i'm 18 XD
cuz i'm talking about 17 in past tense @_@

but yeah my birthday was pretty cool
cuz after rehearsal, most of the troubs went out to lunch on the occasion of my birthday and all =]
we were gonna go to mongolian bbq but it was closed due to memorial day @_@
so we ended up having chipotle across the street. haha
which was great!!
then they sang to me for the 2nd time! haha =]

then later on that night my friends mark and cathy took me out to dinner!
they made me like this flower thing that was pretty sweet xD
then when dinner was almost done, they surprised me with this freakin awesome album thing that they spent hours on =o
it was like one of the most creative gifts i've ever received, seriously. haha XD
wow so many memories in those photos!!!
and it was all in a year if not less >.<
gosh those magic changes. haha
thanks, guys =]]]

and then today we had troub rehearsal at night
and oh man >.< i accidentally bumped into Tiffany and made her fall o.O
iono where i was looking @_@ i was just concentrating on my timing i guess )@#&%)#%
sorry Tiffany =[[[

then i came home to a really crazy surprise (as my fortune cookie from dinner predicted??) but i'm not sure if it's real yet...lets wait 'til tomorrow morning! XD
it'd be AWESOME if it was real... =o

On being 18

so i don't feel much different yet
but i do feel something odd
hm

at the final seconds before midnight..
miss A came to mind =\
and i had to find a way to contact her somehow, even though it was impossible
but eh i guess i did do something..?
this is so complicated -_-
sometimes i hope no one ever has to go through this stuff..

but yeah...
and i just recalled a random piece of memory from like 5 years ago on this exact day, being my birthday and all.
well my P.E. class had to run the mile and i remember running and singing "happy birthday to me," etc. haha. good times

i'll further update you on my new, post-minority life =]

18 at last...? =]

So it's like 4 minutes from my 18th birthday =]
and i'll no longer be a minor XD

i'm pretty excited ehehe

but there'll be things i'll definitely miss in the past 18 years =[
ugh. this will NOT be a sad post >.<

anywayyy

yeah so hope i don't miss the countdown by posting this so it'll just be a quickie =]

well. goodbye, oh sweet childhood <333

Long day at rehearsal

wow so we spent like 5 hours in rehearsal today for the choir show @_@
i think we got most of everything together, it's just that we hadn't really spent time on connecting everyone's parts together so it was kinda laggy. haha

and then i went out to corner bakery with bryce, angie, dan, and paul. that was pretty chill. we had some fun talks!

then i discovered that i have like...no money left in my ATM account. hah. or just not enough for something i needed ='(

but all in all it was a chill day cuz i got to sleep this afternoon =o then i went out to dinner with my family. it's been a while since i had "pho". haha
i've been eating less and less with my family =o. well except for this past week for some reason.

oh and about the...miss A miss B thing.
i...saw some pictures of miss A yesterday...
it seems like her life is back to normal...? i'm not really at the liberty to say what happened exactly...because no one knows the full story at all =[ i guess i'll die with the knowledge.
but that's what it seemed like to me and it makes me feel that she doesn't need me anymore every single time.
well of course that's the case..i mean we'd spent at least 15 years without each other, i'm sure we can go back to that way again... it's just that it'll be hard for a long time.

but when i saw those pictures yesterday, i realized that perhaps i don't feel the same way about her anymore.. maybe i'm finally letting go now..
perhaps it'll be good for me =\ i mean...it kills me everyday to think about it. out of anything that's ever hurt before, this hurt the most.
i swear for the longest time anywhere i looked i saw or thought of her.. it pinches and stabs at me. sometimes i blame it on fate or my own slight mistake which i can't tell you about even -_-
i'm absolutely positive that i fell in love this time. haha. and i'll never forget this because i can't. (darn good memory >.<)
i still even have special stuff about her saved in my old phone..like on the calendar thing.. i still have pictures.. i still have the ring she gave me... well the ring broke on the trip to san francisco =[ but i'll fix it and wear it again or just on a necklace somewhere..

i shouldn't blame her for anything..afterall, i had already told myself stuff like this can happen..it's just that i was crazy and i let my guard down and lost my head...
with her i swear i was the happiest as i've ever been..
i seriously thought she was perfect for me. hah. no matter what anyone said. they didn't know her that well anyway.
but what i'm doing now...i don't know if it has a point anymore. it's like i'm trying to hold on because i said i would...but i don't know if anything will be there at the end of the road..
i guess my patience only would last if i know for sure that she'll still be there.
i guess that even i know when to pick my battles

i'm sorry i wrote so much. hah.
it's just that i really need someone to tell everything to
and as much as i've said..it still wouldn't feel as good as if i had a chance to talk to her and tell her everything..that is she would have the time to sit down and talk to me.
this is one of those things where no one can understand you thoroughly. i mean i'm sure there is someone..but that would be her if she were still the same..
besides...i can't tell anyone everything.

and regarding miss B.
well i still don't know if i really am developing feelings for her o.O
maybe it's just because of old times (really old times) hah
but sometimes when i think about her, it makes me happy because she's simple.
and every time she smiles (which is less rare nowadays) it makes me feel happy inside.
i believe no one knows about this because it's in the past. they don't know that i'm going through this again toward her.
it is pretty ridiculous (and i tell myself that everyday almost) that i'm going through this though. there is like no point of going to her again because...i don't know. maybe i'm just not confident enough. maybe i wasted my chances.

i feel like every time i went to someone else in the past had been just to take my mind off of miss B.

i sure hope she's happy.
i hope that i can be at least a good friend to her.
for now, all i can do is standby.
there are certain reasons.

2 days left =o

so this is...say...two days before my birthday??
is time going slower or what???

and what did i tell ya? i already missed the 2nd day of having a blog. haha

but yeah ugh today was quite long.
the highlight was probably troubadours auditions and getting to hear the underclassmen sing.
it makes me wanna audition again XD but i'm old now :'(

oh and i'm excited for the concert now that hilary and i might sing "all i ask of you" together =] that'll be pretty awesome. we practiced for the first time today and i'd say it sounds nice. haha thanks tanner!

and yeah so i'm gonna try to head to bed now cuz i've got a long day ahead of me...darn rehearsal =_= but practice makes perfect and all that jazz....so later!!!

oh..and there's been some significant updates/revelations regarding miss A and B...

First Blog*

so this is my first post =o
and i have no idea what to say!

i've had these types of blog pages before but never was able to maintain them for long. haha
lets see if i can maintain THIS one o.O

okay so the final (my absolute last) choral concert is in a week...
and it'll be BIG!
we've got so much work to do!!!
i've got lines to memorize and an additional song now because Hilary (my "sister") wants to do a duet. haha
but i hope everything will turn out amazingly and i believe in us!

and also...i just realized...last night sorta...
(and i totally know i shouldn't be having this problem again..)
i think i might like someone (i will refer to this person as miss B)...but i'm denying myself XD
it can't be =o
i mean...i totally was over this like...times and times again @_@
i just can't really get out for some reason no matter what i try..
besides...the state that my life is supposedly in doesn't accommodate such things =\
everytime i think that i like someone, it ends up not being real because i'd end up feeling as if i'm betraying...*another* someone (i will refer to this person as...miss A)... and i just hate how everything had to be this way because it shouldn't have been >.<>.< well i hope everything goes swell from now on! for me and choir and everyone graduating and anyone who needs a lift in their life XD hah

new post later? =]


oh and by the way. my birthday is in like..3 days, 1 hour, and 11 minutes